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The Parent Trap: Handling “Vocal” Moms and Dads

Athletic Director, Educational, Sports

Baseball Diamond and Parents in stands

In a 2023 survey from Shredder,  55 percent of parents said they believe that kids playing team sports benefit academically and improve their career options.

Eighty percent
believe sports helped their children learn discipline, dedication, social skills, leadership and teamwork.

Those facts–along with the sheer fun and comradery that come with participation in sports and related activities–make a strong case for kids to participate. But what about the parents who deviate from those admirable perspectives? We all know who they are; maybe we’ve even been that parent at one time in our lives.

But as a coach, official or administrator, how do you deal with parents when their involvement and support cross the line?

Among 2,000+ high school athletic directors surveyed, 62.3% said “dealing with aggressive parents and adult fans” was the least favorite part of their jobs. (IHSAA)
More than 70% of new referees in all sports quit within three years due to abuse from coaches and parents. (National Association of Sports Officials)

When Perception Is “Un”reality

Parents want what’s best for their kids and sometimes that desire can get “out of hand.” Maybe a mom thinks her daughter should start because her club team coach never took her off the court. Maybe a dad thinks his son should have made varsity as a sophomore. 

But school sports are much more than just wins and losses or who’s in the starting lineup. It’s about the bigger picture; building a positive culture and creating an environment that encourages teamwork, positive attitudes, player development and understanding roles and responsibilities. 

Coach directing cross country runners

When You’re the Only Adult in the Room

A child’s participation can be influenced by how those around them–the adults–conduct themselves. You can’t dictate how a parent might react to a call, a lineup decision or a game strategy. But you can control how you treat and respect your players and how you handle situations when parents get involved:

  • Always take the high road, and don’t ever lose your temper no matter how the parent shows up in the situation.
  • Do not engage with parents during practices, games/meets/matches or when other players or parents are around.
  • Establish a chain of communication, starting with the athlete voicing his/her questions or concerns directly with coaches (unless the situation is more serious, like coach/player conduct, bullying, etc.)
  • Make sure you establish how parents can productively communicate with the coaching staff (in those instances when it’s required), and don’t promise an immediate response.

If the situation requires it, have an ally in the room (AD, assistant coach, etc.)

Parenting, especially when it comes to children’s activities, is becoming increasingly hands-on, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer an overbearing dad or a super-critical mom. Stick to your program, communicate what’s important and make sure both athletes and parents know your program is built on teamwork, respect, continuing development and yes, FUN.

Want more content like this?

Check out the Top Five Challenges For Athletic Directors.